Maybe “yowzers in trousers!”
I’m just spitballing here. Say you’re walking down the street and your shoelace comes untied. There’s a tough guy standing there wearing a shirt that says “I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR PUSSY BABIES.” You kneel down to tie your shoe and give it a good “yowzers in trousers!” Maybe you let out a little burp too. The guy in the cool shirt gives you a thumbs up while simultaneously flexing his arm muscle. Today’s going to be good day.

“That’s swell, Drake Bell!” ???
I like this one because it has a nice pop culture reference (Drake Bell is Drake from Drake and Josh) AND it’s got a little sarcastic attitude to it. Here’s a common scenario: You’re making a purchase at Build-A-Bear and you realize that you left your Build-A-Bear Rewards Card at home. You’re also fresh out of Build-A-Bear Bucks. Looks like you gotta use regular ol’ president money. You open up your little money pouch, sigh, and say “That’s swell, Drake Bell!” The old lady behind you in line smiles and squeaks out a cute little fart.

Okay, hear me out…“Santa Claus, apple sauce, whoopsy-diddle, dental floss!”
You’re having sex. This is a new partner and this is your first time doing it with each other. You’re so excited to be having sex with them that you can’t hold your cum in. You ejaculate on their back prematurely. You keep your cool. In a bellowing voice, you shout into their ear “Santa Claus, apple sauce, whoopsy-diddle, dental floss!” Expect a second date, Mr. Rockstar.

I don’t have all the answers here but I do know that “uh-oh spaghettio” has to go.
I know this is very ambitious, but I hope you will sign this petition. It will make us tougher and cooler as a nation. We’ll all have sex more and get our heads dunked in the toilet less. Come on gang! “Cool dudes with attitudes” on three. One, two, three…”Cool dudes with attitudes!”

SIGN MY PETITION HERE.

Michael S. Watkins is the co-host of Comedian Psychoanalysis, which you can see the second Friday of each month at 8:30 PM at Good Good Comedy Theatre. Cheap tickets here: www.goodgoodcomedy.com/psychoanalysis

The post Make “Uh-Oh Spaghettio” Fucking Tougher appeared first on Good Good Comedy Theatre.

If you’re interested in volunteering, please fill out the simple questionnaire here and we’ll get back to you ASAP.

And heck, if you’re a college student and are interested in interning with Good Good Comedy Theatre, please fill out this application.

If none of this applies to you but you still want to support the theater, why not just come see a show or take a class?

And if none of that seems interesting, might we recommend a different website? Perhaps this one about slug and snail biology.

But really, you should definitely think about volunteering. It’s a fun gig with some sweet perks.

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Yep, a completely free open mic every Monday at 7 PM at Good Good. Will they be the same every Monday? Hell naw.

Let’s take some looks at the two mics starting this hot new trend in October.

TECHNOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED | Mon. 10/17

Comics get 5 minutes and UNLIMITED TECH. This is the Olive Garden of tech-based open mics. Perform a weird character that needs a blackout, standup with sound cues, a joke-stacked Powerpoint. That’s what the Technologically Challenged mic is for! Plus there’ll be a handful of standard 3 minute spots to sign up for at the show.

Sign up here. BYO PPT.

10 Minute Mic | Mon. 10/24

A free open mic where five lucky comedians get ten lucky minutes. Throw your name in the bucket, kiss your good-luck stopwatch and pray for some long-term undivided attention.

Sign-ups at 6:45 PM. Bucket drawn at 7:00 PM.

These mics are just what your gubernatorial candidate ordered – totally FREE, BYOB, and different enough to add a li’l something spicy to your world. Check out our full schedule for a short preview of the rest of your life.

The post Introducing Monday Mics appeared first on Good Good Comedy Theatre.